Finally Reading The Shepherd’s Crown

As readers there might be many authors that we love, but there aren’t necessarily very many that are genuinely important to us; for the enjoyment that their books give us, but also on a more personal level as human beings. Terry Pratchett is perhaps the important author to me personally, over and above anyone else before or since, and he has been for a long time. He’s the author whose death hit me the hardest, whose absence I still feel the most, whose books I would choose if I could only choose one author’s books to ever read again. I’ve read every Discworld novel at least twice, some many more times than that…except, actually I haven’t. There’s one that until very recently I had never read – The Shepherd’s Crown, the 41st and final Discworld novel.

Even typing “the final Discworld novel”, and seeing it on the cover…it hits me right where it hurts. Seven years and counting since Sir Terry passed away, and it still hurts (I can remember exactly where I was when I heard the news – sitting in a tiny park in London waiting to go to a job interview. That was an…interesting experience). Seven years since The Shepherd’s Crown was published, which I immediately bought in hardback as usual…and then couldn’t face reading, so onto the shelf it went. Seven years of just not feeling like I could bring myself to actually read it, of telling myself that I would read it one day, when I was ready. Of rereading earlier books in the series, and looking at the cover of The Shepherd’s Crown, and realising that I still wasn’t ready to read it.

Obviously books are written to be read, not to be looked at, and ultimately there’s not much point buying a book and never reading it. But this wasn’t – isn’t – just another book for me (or for a lot of people – I know plenty who had a similar experience with it). I have an emotional connection with the Discworld that’s greater than anything I’ve experienced with any other book, series, film, TV show or anything else. To know that there will never be another new Discworld story remains a particularly excruciating feeling, and the thought of reaching the end of The Shepherd’s Crown – and the knowledge that that’s it – is still something I can’t properly wrap my head around. The Discworld seems to have always been there, and of course it always will, but without its author it just feels different.

Sir Terry came to my school to give a talk and sign books when I was in my middle teens, back before he was Sir Terry. I, like the irredeemably nerdy child that I was, somehow ended up talking to his daughter Rhianna (who had presumably been dragged along to keep her father company – I can’t imagine she would have been particularly keen on a school visit) and asking her if she knew how I could get past a particularly tricky moment in the Discworld PC game that I was obsessed by. So embarrassing in hindsight, but entirely in character for me at that age. I met him again at a couple of different signings over the years. I read anything and everything of his that I could get my hands on. My collection stretches to multiple versions of most of the Discworld novels plus posters, maps, reference books, assorted miniatures…the list goes on.

None of that is what’s important, though. What’s important is the way his books make me feel, and the way that his writing in general speaks to me, both fiction and non-fiction. These books – these characters – are my friends, it’s as simple as that. They’re as real to me as the people I see on the streets, and I know some of them better than I know my actual flesh and blood friends. Or at least, it sometimes feels that way. It’s a massive cliche to say that something has a ‘special place in my heart’, but in this case the Discworld absolutely does. More memorable and more relatable than any film or TV series, Discworld in particular – and his writing in general – is almost always the place my brain goes to for quotes or references in everyday life, and what I turn to for comfort and relaxation.

And now, as I write this in the days after finishing The Shepherd’s Crown, it’s a strange feeling to finally acknowledge that I’ve read it all. Of course I haven’t really, because there are books like The Compleat Discworld Atlas and The Discworld Companion that I’ve dipped into but never read from cover to cover, and because the novels are so endlessly re-readable that I could pick up virtually any of them and discover something I’d never noticed before. But still…I’ve finally read the last book in the series. It should be a momentous, heartbreaking occasion, and in some respects it does feel that way, but at the same time I feel both a satisfying sense of completion, and as though a weight has been lifted. It’s been seven years of not really accepting the truth that this most beloved of series is over, and that’s a burden in its own way which is now gone.

As for finally reading The Shepherd’s Crown? Well even rereading I Shall Wear Midnight knowing that I was going to go straight into the next book was painful. The ending had just that little extra bit of poignancy, you know? But once I got past the initial fear (and the first few chapters, which to be fair were brutal) The Shepherd’s Crown wasn’t as upsetting as I expected, and I was mostly able to enjoy the book for what it was. I mean, at times it genuinely was very painful, and I shed many a tear – I won’t spoil anything here just in case, but there were a few moments with beloved characters from elsewhere in the series that really knocked me flat, and I’m sure I’m not the only one to have been affected by them. But the emotions that those scenes evoked felt good, as well as painful, if that makes any sense. Heartbreaking but appropriate at the same time.

Of course something that a lot of people talk about regarding The Shepherd’s Crown is its unfinished nature, with Sir Terry having written all of it but not necessarily finished working on it. I knew that going in, and would have realised it anyway as it really is noticeable – the writing simply isn’t as polished as usual in some places. But that in itself is an interesting aspect of the book that makes it unique within the series, on top of its place as the final novel. Part of me wants to know what he would have changed, where he would have worked on dialogue or description or moved sections around, but the bigger part of me is delighted to have this glimpse into his mind, and his writing process. And now that Rob Wilkins’ (Terry’s personal assistant turned business manager) official biography of Terry – A Life With Footnotes – is available, it feels like there’s an opportunity for more insight into the man himself.

As you can tell, this definitely isn’t a review of The Shepherd’s Crown. Maybe after a bit of time and another read through I’ll feel able to put my thoughts about the book into a suitably sensible and readable form, but for now I just wanted to write about my overall experience of owning and eventually reading the book. I’ve just had the great fortune of listening to Rob Wilkins talk about A Life With Footnotes, and he made a point of saying that he hoped readers who – like me – hadn’t felt able to read The Shepherd’s Crown would finally take the plunge after reading the biography. Well I just about managed it the other way around, prompted by knowing I would be attending the talk, and despite all the tears (while reading the novel, and while listening to Rob talk) I’m so glad I did.

I don’t feel bad about waiting all this time; I needed to find the right moment for a book that was very important to me, and I think I found that moment. The Shepherd’s Crown is a fabulous book, imperfect of course (but what novel isn’t?) but fascinating nonetheless, and it’s something I hope every Pratchett fan will be able to read whenever they feel ready, whether that’s right away or after a long wait. It’s unquestionably a bittersweet book to read, but that’s ok. It’s also a beautiful book, that’s heartwarming as much as it is heartbreaking, and like every Discworld novel it’s a story that I know will reward rereading and reveal more every time. And now that I’ve finally read it? Well…maybe it’s time to go back to the beginning and start again!

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See also: all of the Terry Pratchett reviews on Track of Words

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